I'm BACKKKK

Well Sort of. I have had one crazy year, Let me tell you!!! My Husband deployed on January 2nd 2009. I was harder this time too. We Had a rough patch during the summer of 2008, but it made us so much stronger. We both made a CHOICE to love each other every day, (when the obsession of "love" wears off, and you make the choice to love each other, that is REAL LOVE.) we were so happy. I was feeling comfortable in my relationship, and the the Air Force took him from me :(. Now don't get me wrong I did know what i was getting into when i decided to marry a man in the military, but that does not make it any easier when he goes. From January to July so many changes occurred. I started to diet and work out by April i was down to 5Lbs heaver than my pre-pregnancy weight (at 19). I was toned and fantastic!! I was tripped onto the Twilight band wagon...opps...
In April i got a phone call from my friend telling me to get my but down to her office and apply for this job. I had been wanting to work a "real job" since My babies were 1 year old. So i rushed down there and applied as a receptionist at a dental office, they had me work for 2 days and decided they wanted to try me as a dental assistant, I rocked that job!! they hired me that Friday, for the pay i asked for and i was ECSTATIC. I put my beautiful babied in the CDC for day care, and i worked a "real job" and i loved it at first. In June one of my best friends was in a terrible accident and was paralyzed from the waste down.
Then the reality of where i was working started to set in, and the man i was working for's true colors started to show. He was a narcissist, quite litterbug. He called me names, he threw things, he broke things on purpose in front of patients. He never wanted to be at work, and if there was slight chance of him being able to fly his plane, he would reschedule all the patients that day, sometimes 3 and 4 times. He would tell people that they needed treatment that wasn't necessary, especially at the end of the month. I Had a panic attack after being yelled at for not being able to read his mind. I was not trained as a Dental asst. but i was expected to know exactly what he was talking about when he said "the powder stuff" there about 10 different things off the top of my head that that could be, my guess was wrong. He then threw the instrument at me and yelled something to the effect of what the hell is this, that is not what i said. anyway... I was put on medication because of the abuse i was taking from my boss.
My husband returned from his deployment in July and they gave me 1 day off. Hubbs and I fell right back into the routine that we were in when he left except of course now i was working. The kids Turned 4 while Hubbs was gone, which is, so far, the most drastic change to happen. They went from toddlers to brilliant 4 year olds in what seems like overnight. that fact has been difficult for hubbs to understand. he is still adjusting to it actually. lol, poor guy. Late July My brother called me!!!! I hadn't talked to him in almost 2 years. (He was banned from communication by his wife) I am so happy to have him back in my life, and a niece too!!! WOOT WOOT

so where was i ...skinny, job, depression, pills, family, oh yea... i decided one day, after talking to the hubbs, that i was going to quit my job, my sanity and my family was suffering. dinner wasn't ready on time, there were a million loads of laundry and i was paying more in daycare then i was making because my boss never worked. the kids were not getting enough TLC at the CDC.

My friend took his first steps 1 day shy of 6 months after they told him he only had a 10% chance of ever walking again. And that brings us to thanksgiving...i made Kahlua pig, huli huli chicken Portuguese stuffing and pineapple fruit salad. so yummy!!! The Monday after Turkey day we were told that we have to move to a different house because they are tearing the ones down that we were living in...December 4th we got the keys. 1 week of moving 2 weeks of unpacking and Christmas shopping. and here we are December 22nd. 9 more days left of 2009...so much more could happen...

Mopless mopping

HAHAHAHA

PS the camera really does add 10 lbs :( i can only imagine what this would look like 15 lbs ago

The realization of the loss [of control]

I have always prided myself on being in control of my life. Apparently i was in denial. I just didn't realize i was actually being controlled by laundry, [affectionately called mount washmore] and other mundane SAHM tasks

Anywho I stumbled upon this website, and flylady. It is nothing short of Amazing, the routines are fantastic. It is amazing to me what i can do just following 2 routines (morning , and Night) All the others are just icing on the cake. My life is amazing.

I was the girl who would just Lay around in jammies on the days that the kiddos didn't have school, and wonder why my house wasn't cleaning itself...weird huh?. I would stumble out of bed 45 min before the kids had to be at school get them ready and drop them off in my jammies. I felt terrible about myself and even had terrible thoughts about mothers who somehow managed to get up and ready for the day before they dropped their children off. ( who do they think they are, caring about themselves and all? pppfffttt!!!! )

I have always been aware of how i felt when I am all made up...but "i never had time" I also never realized how i didn't feel when i was in my sweats.

When people would randomly show up at my house i would be embarrassed about how i looked, and how my home looked. I would rush to put on a bra and clean while company was at the house...how terrible.

I have turned a new Leaf

I have a little while until the hubby returns from his 3rd deployment, but i don't want to rush getting the house ready for his return. I started on little things (closets, laundry room, linen closet) I used to put off the little things to do these big tasks, so not the case anymore!!

I Am so proud of myself, i feel great and i have time for everything!!!! Kids, outings and myself!! And my house doesn't suffer in the process

I can do anything for 15 minutes!!!

***there are links all over this blog. if you have felt/feel the way i felt please save yourself some stress and click on them***

Babies, the Aftermath

I am i member of a social group for mothers, cafemom to be exact. I am involved in a group call work it out sexy mama. in this group there is a spring challenge where we are all broken up into groups of 4. Each pound lost is worth 1 point and each inch lost is also wotrh 1 point, there is a challenge to be completed each week that is worth 5 points. I tell you this because i want to tell you this...Which ever group has the most points wins this challenge, i dont know what we win, but i want to win it!!! This group is so motivateing. but there are some women that are so insecure about theyre strechmarks that They are not going to their highest potential. Me no likie. so i said this(and i truely believe it)

"My theory is, I worked very hard to make these babies.

At 19 I got pregnant with twins, And i delivered them at term vaginally. without an epidural. I freaking rock and i want the whole world to know :)

is that too concited? I am losing weight for me, to feel good, not to hide the aftermath of what my beautiful children did to my body. I love my strechmarks!!! (is that weird?)

I think we all have reasons to feel like superwoman, If you have a baby You are Awesome. ROCK IT"

Do you have any hang ups that hold you back? How can you change your ideas to make you better?