I knew i kept this friend around for a reason
Friend>I wish for your sake that you were not always so deep into your social butterfly thing
Me>what is that is what is wrong with me?
Friend>: you put so much of yourself in "friends" and end up getting srcewed by high school bullshit
Kandi Johnson says: i know...
Friend says: you have always been heavily reliant on people liking you
Kandi Johnson says: what do i do?
Friend says: look around you
your husband
you kiddos
you!
Friend says: They are your real friends
the ones that matter
dont get me wrong
you need to have friends outside your house
but dont put all of yourself into them,
Kandi Johnson says: You know how i am tho, i fall in love with my friends
Friend says: just be friends, dont try to make a friendship a relationship... you know
Kandi Johnson says: how? [i am not trying to be an ass at all]
what is a friend?
Friend says: someone you hang out with
have fun with
Kandi Johnson says: damn you now i am crying
Friend says: but dont count on
people you can count on are family, and yeah some friends can become family, but not most
Friend says: im sorry, I guess i have become rather cold to most people
Kandi Johnson says: i feel so completely isolated, I love my kids
i dont have anyone except my kids
Friend says: I have my wife and my dogs and I really could give a shit about our friends, because until they prove to me I can count on them they are disposable
Kandi Johnson says: i wouldnt trade them for anything
Friend says: i know that
So after this conversation i realized what i have been doing so wrong. I am intense, passionate and i love with all i have. I expect everyone else to be the same, that is where i have an issue. I have blogged many times about friends sucking, but it is really not about them sucking it is about me expecting them to be the same as i am. there is no reason i should expect anything from anyone. Most of the things talked about in this conversation i already knew about myself, but i didn't see a problem with it. Apparently there is a problem with it. I have always prided myself on being myself, and if you don't like it, get fucked. But i do care what people think, i want to be liked, i always have. I want to be that girl that everyone wants to be friends with, but that is also why i have none here. I appreciate what i have, my kids and my husband whole hearted. But i always wanted to be the popular girl, so i give all i have so that people will like me and like my friend said i get screwed. So i don't know what i am going to do to prevent this from happening but i am defiantly going to try not to be so codependent on others and love me for me. I am going to give myself to my kids and my husband only. Maybe i will have less of a rough life.
Thanks for reading
Kandi
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2 comments:
Yes.... and no... LOL. I am the same way, but a bit different, but I don't have to explain that. Babygirl, there are so many fakers out there who pretend to be friends until they no longer have a use for us. This can be for money, support, a ride, someone to talk to during a deployment or to have a project. Then we get dumped or get shit spread all over us even when nothing happened. You don' have to stop being who you are because others are not real. You are beautiful inside and out, and though we are not right next door, you have tons of friends who really do love you, adore you and wish with all our hearts that you could be around to see everyday.
I think everyone is guilty of this to one degree or another. We put so much stock in how rich our relationships are. And that's a good thing for the most part, but sometimes we put credit on the relationships that don't necessarily deserve it.
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